Bullet-Point Monday

• My sister’s wedding photos have arrived! She got married late in June and just received them. It seems she spent the better part of her weekend uploading pictures onto Facebook. All the ones of Meredith & Tony are gorgeous!!! I am happy with some of the photos of me, but really just generally annoyed because I swear to God I was not that fat in person (nor was my dress as ill-fitting). Here is my favorite photo with me in it, by far:

austinmeredithAnd look! My eyes do not match my dress! I am usually all up on the red-eye in photos.

• I had this whole ranty post outlined in my head on Friday about my bus ride home, because it was really quite miserable. But, being me, I wrote exactly none of it down and instead went to the grocery store. What I can remember goes something like this:

The fuckwad bus driver’s foot is not one with the gas pedal, so my shit lurches the entire ride; Snotty McBitchface demands poor man seeking six square inches of free space to stand “Like, get moving, GEEZ!” (and then I cut her) (just kidding); Dear Hipster Sitting Next To Me: I DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR WHINY MUSIC. Hate 4Ever, Austin; Ma’am your ass does not actually fit there, but thanks for giving my thigh the uncomfortable opportunity to rub against your thigh. Should I like, get your number now or something?

That’s really all I can remember, other than the permeating stink of someone who does not carry deodorant that REALLY SHOULD CARRY DEODORANT. But I mean, of course they don’t. It was impossible to tell where the stank wafted from, what with us all packed in like sardines. I like to tell myself it was the hipster. Heh.

• We got a Roomba from Zack’s uncle. We also got an air purifier (which we hope will help our litter-box-in-a-tiny-space smell issue). The Roomba, I will admit, I was not thrilled about. But our vacuum broke awhile back, so our bedroom carpet was getting pretty gnarly and I am not about to look a gift vacuum in the suction area. Zack was…well, let’s just say that he should probably be embarrassed about his level of enthusiasm for the Roomba. He may or may not have cleared our entire living room floor of bumpable objects and set it loose for over an hour, then exclaimed in delight when we emerged from the bedroom to find the floors virtually hair-free. He has big plans for the timer feature. I will admit it’s pretty cool, though it does seem to sort of forsake the perimeter of the carpeted bedroom, it being round and all.

roombaBehold! The God of Pet-Hair-Free living!

Let me take this opportunity to express my dissatisfaction that FOOTBALL SEASON IS HERE. AGAIN. I wanted to punch myself in the face yesterday and “my team” won. Ugh.

• Most Excellent Godmother, comin’ atcha. That’s right, Zack’s cousin has asked us to be godparents to her son (forthcoming!). She and I have gotten close and she’s pretty awesome. We are nothing less than honored. I can’t wait to meet the little dude (and neither can his Mama…no REALLY)!

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