In Which I Discuss Winter in Relation to Bra-Wearing

Mornings are my time to take Arlo out. He goes on three walks a day: morning, late afternoon, and just before bed. I am a morning person and Zack is decidedly not a morning person, so I do all the morning shifts, he does all the late night shifts (which I hate) and we trade off the afternoon shifts because we are both usually dressed by late afternoon and so equally capable of going outside without offending anyone. I love summer, but in warmer months it’s a particular pain in my ass to take Arlo out first thing because then I have to do things like find appropriate pants and put on a bra. In the colder seasons I can just throw on a big puffy coat that covers my ass, zip it up and no one’s the wiser.

And…that is pretty much the only thing I like about winter. That, and Christmas. So imagine my dismay this morning when I took Arlo out in jeans, t-shirt and flip flops only to find that it was practically frigid. I hopped up and down to prevent my blood from freezing in my veins and grumbled at the dog to hurry up. I wore a coat to work, which usually means I will get all hot from walking to the bus stop and then getting on the crowded bus and I’ll be a sweaty mess when I get to work. However. This morning I was straight up cold. It is cold in my office and I’ve been drinking hot tea all day. I have fingercicles. By lunchtime, the infamous Chicago wind was back in full force. Fall has arrived, which means winter is not far behind.

Internet, I am all for not having to wear a bra, but it is supposed to be a cold fucking winter this year. And I live in downtown Chicago, where there is lots of walking involved in getting places…you know…like, walking outside to get where you are going? In the cold? With the the wind? FOR BLOCKS AND BLOCKS. I am very unhappy about such nonsense. I also have to invest in a new winter coat this year, as mine did not withstand last winter’s brutality (or my careless yanking of its special-order-because-it’s-so-long zipper that’s $60 to replace) (WHAT A FUCKING PRINCESS).

Winter, we are enemies. I’d rather wear the bra.

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