Attention, Weather Gods

Please hold off on the snow that’s predicted for this weekend, as my winter coat is currently out of commission. You see, last year I bought an extra long coat to keep warm in the frigid Chicago wind. It WAS warm and the coat and I, we got along swell. But then the zipper broke and turns out it costs $10 less than I paid for the coat (which was not an insignificant amount) to replace the stupid zipper. So sadly and not without regret, the coat and I parted ways.

I thought I’d have plenty of time to find a new coat, a better and more expensive coat, (it being only October, and the beginning of October at that!) but then I read the weather report for this weekend. Snow! Freezing temperatures! And that godforsaken wind. The time of the lightweight jacket is coming to a rapid close and I find myself unprepared.

I’ve cruised the Internet for other coats, but I just can’t seem to find The One.

Marshmallow Coats are tempting, I know they would keep me warm and protected, but their puffiness with my puffiness equals, I think, too much puff in general. Not flattering.

puffcoat

Wool Blend Coats are lovely AND flattering, until they enter my apartment and meet the three attention whore animals who live there. I’d rather not appear to suffer from hirsutism if I can avoid it.  I don’t think excessive hair growth would be a good look for me.

woolcoat

Down Coats Sans Puff are favorable in theory. IF I can find one that doesn’t make me look like a middle-aged tan log. Plain and ugly and…actually, just hideous. Really the only upside is warmth, but since I am a brat, we all know I will take cuteness over comfort, as long as there’s SOME measure of protection from the elements.

downcoatugly

This Coat is okay, but I haaaate the fur trim around the hood (it’s removable!) and also I am anti-that quilted stitching business. So maybe we are on the right track? Ish?

coat

I despise everything about This Coat. HAAAATE. Old Navy, you are fired.

uglycoat

I guess we all know what I’ll be doing Saturday. Hey, it beats cleaning!

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One thought on “Attention, Weather Gods

  1. Meredith says:

    I actually think the shorter one with the quilted pattern (and disgusting but removable fur hood) would actually be quite nice looking on you. I don’t think those quilted-type coats are ugly at all!

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